I Am Woman (Laughable Love Book 1) Read online

  “I have to go right now. Tanner and I have a call we have to get to, but call me!” I say backing away and jogging towards the door. “I want to take you to dinner!” I call over my shoulder before running out the door and to our squad car parked around the corner.

  I open the door and slide into the passenger’s seat as Tanner switches on the sirens and tears away from the curb he was idling at.

  “What the fuck took you so long, man?” he asks, checking his blind spot before cutting across three lanes of rush hour traffic.

  I grip onto the door handle for dear life. This is why I like to drive. “I ran into Verity.” I state matter of factly. I hope he drops it. He’s already given me enough shit about it to last at least a month.

  “Really?” he asks, swerving around a city bus and my stomach lurches.

  “Really.”

  “Listen, I know I gave you a ton of shit about it, but I’ve known her for a few years now and she’s a good girl. She drives me fuckin’ crazy, and she might actually be a little bit crazy herself, but she’s a good girl. She doesn’t really ever have guys over and her couch is comfy as shit.”

  I give him a sideways look, “What the hell does her couch have to do with anything?”

  “Nothing. Just a statement of fact, bro. But my point is, as much as I give her a hard time, I still consider her a friend. She’s probably the only friend of the female variety I have, and I don’t want her getting screwed over. So, if you are just in it to hit it and quit it, don’t bother because she’s not that kind of girl.” He says, and I feel my jaw clench.

  “Tanner, be straight up with me, man. Do you have feelings for her? I don’t want to ruin our friendship and partnership over a girl.” I like Verity, but I’ll walk away now if I have to. I’m over relationship drama, and I’m not playing games anymore. I’m getting too old for that shit.

  He looks shocked. “Jesus, Hunter. Hell no! She’s cute and all, but I don’t shit where I eat. You know that! She’s more like my little sister now anyways. I just like irritating her because she’s funny as shit when she gets all worked up. I’m just telling you that if you screw her over, I’ll probably have to kick your ass.” He glances over, giving me a pointed look before pulling off into an alleyway.

  “I honestly just want to get to know her. I’m done with the casual fuck buddy thing, ya know? She just seems smart and nice. Not to mention she’s freaking gorgeous. I just want to see if there’s anything real there.” I say honestly. I know what he’s thinking because I used to be him, but damn. I’m just ready for something more with someone.

  “Damn it. I know how this is going to end. I’m going to lose my wingman and she’s going to carry your balls around in that big ass purse of hers, and pretty soon you’re going to start doing couples trivia nights and shit.”

  Forgive me if that doesn’t sound half bad to me… well besides for the balls in the purse thing. I need those attached to me.

  chapter 8

  LESSON #8: ALWAYS CARRY AN UMBRELLA. MOTHER NATURE WILL DUMP ON YOU WHENEVER AND WHEREVER SHE FEELS LIKE IT.

  VERITY:

  Two weeks- well, almost two weeks. I’ve made it that long without begging Tanner for Hunter’s number. He’s been on my mind despite my best efforts to forget him. Even now, being dead tired, he’s still on my mind. I’ve got issues. I’ve only had a couple conversations with that man and yet somehow, he’s managed wo weasel his way into my thoughts…and fantasies. That uniform though…

  I let my head smack against my desk. I knew that being an editor had more job responsibilities, but I had no idea just how many. I don’t know if it is because I’m just the type of person that procrastinates until the eleventh hour on everything or if it’s because I’m not entirely qualified. I’m going to go with procrastination because I’m not admitting to the other.

  “What are you still doing here?” Tally asks coming up behind me. Her heels click on the polished floors.

  My head pops up, and my bright pink post its stick to my forehead causing her to laugh. “I’m going… I just had to look at these layout ideas. How did the shoot go?” I ask and she flops into her chair, and begins to tidy up her desk for the day.

  “I think it will turn out. Very minimal, clean lines, nudes with pops of color.” I nod my head knowing that is the full theme for this holiday issue. “Why does your face look like that?” she asks, and I look up from my computer screen.

  “Like what?” I ask self-consciously as I try to check my disco ball mirror. It just ends up swinging off the hook and smacking me right in the face.

  She laughs out loud, “Super contoured and cat eyed. Are you wearing lashes?” she leans forward to inspect my face.

  “It’s the date night on a budget look. We were testing it out and doing a test shoot to see how it photographed so I could make adjustments before I gave the pictures and a tutorial to the makeup artist.”

  “Looks damn good.” She compliments.

  “Not too shabby for it being from the drug store. I’m going home now to Netflix and coma.”

  “Don’t you mean Netflix and chill?”

  “No. No I don’t. I mean Netflix and coma. Once I scrape the spackle from my face, I plan to eat until I can’t feel my butt and I fall into a food coma. Maybe I’ll stay on the couch of dreams, maybe I’ll go to bed. The possibilities are endless.”

  “Verity, that is positively depressing. I fear that you may be beyond redemption.” Tally gives me a sorrowful look.

  “If I’m wrong, I don’t want to be right Tals.” I start packing my planner and phone into my purse. “Just letting my lonely flag fly high.”

  “I would come over and save you from yourself, but I have a date I met on that new app we featured last month. If you don’t get laid soon, you’re on the fast track to the microwave cooking for one cookbooks.”

  “Already there… already there…” I pat her arm, before sliding my arm through the strap of my purse and hoisting the beast over my shoulder. I stumble under the weight. I once won a free pair of shoes at Shoe Palace for having the heaviest purse in the store. Don’t ask. It really wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds. I had to spin the wheel to find out my prize.

  “You should see if you can get Officer Hunky’s number from Tanner. I think he’d be more than willing to handcuff you to the bed.”

  “It’s Officer Sexy.” I correct. “And after nearly being arrested by him and him thinking I was a prostitute, I don’t see how that could work out in my favor.” I shuffle towards the door with Tally hot on my tails. She’s not going to let this go, and sure I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and his cute smile and awkward rambling, but I still know his type… my usual type.

  “Ok, well that may be, but think about giving him one date. At the very least, it could provide you with some useful material for Between the Sheets.”

  I stop in my overpriced snakeskin pumps and turn to my best friend who runs into me, causing us both to stumble and fall through the glass doors and land in a tangle of limbs and designer clothing on the floor.

  “Right on. Girl on girl!” a gruff male voice sounds from across the lobby.

  Tally and I untangle ourselves only to find the janitor leaning up against the drinking fountain stroking his mop inappropriately, and I shudder.

  “Move along, Steve. Nothing to see here.” Tally smooths her hair into place and picks up her bag, not missing a beat. Steve slumps forward, shoving his mop back into the murky liquid and rolling the yellow cart back down the hall. The clichéd squeaky wheel echoing off the tiled floors, grates on my nerves. Can someone get the guy some WD-40?

  “Please tell me what your idea was.” Tally huffs in frustration, pulling my attention from Steve’s retreating form.

  “How do you know I had an idea?” I ask in mock defiance.

  She crosses her arms over her tweed Chanel blazer and purses her red lips. “Because that is what you do. You are incapable of walking and formulating a plan at the same time. N
eed I remind you of the Bryant Park pretzel cart debacle?” she challenges.

  I search around the lobby, checking over my shoulder for witnesses before responding, “That was not the same thing!” I hiss. “That pretzel vendor was running full speed. I don’t know if a pigeon was chasing him or what, but I stopped because I thought I broke my shoe. It wasn’t funny, I had to sit on that donut thing for two weeks! That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.” I hike my bag up on my shoulder again, tying my trench coat tighter around my waist.

  “Right. Ok, then. So, out with it.”

  I sigh dramatically, “Ok. Well your idea isn’t half bad. I could use the pointers and I could use the date. He seems nice enough, right?”

  “I knew it!” she shouts. She’s pointing at me as if she caught me in some elaborate scheme, before she continues, “And I have no idea. I’ve never met the guy; only got a glimpse of his fine ass as he was trying to arrest you.”

  “Please, let’s just call it what it was. Momentary detainment.” I correct.

  “Fine. ‘momentary detainment.’” Tally uses air quotes and I shake my head. She’ll tell everyone I was arrested for the rest of our lives even though, regrettably, I was never even hand cuffed.

  “Ok, I’m going to do it. I’ll get his number.” I admit, more to psych myself up than anything else. I haven’t been on a real date since I found out that my last boyfriend was married. That’s right. We dated for over four months, and I didn’t have one clue, until one night we went out to dinner, only to be joined by his wife. Now, I know what you’re imagining; cocktail to the face, high pitched screeching, hair pulling and lots of tears. Nope. We actually had a lovely dinner – albeit awkward as fuck, but lovely. You see, Vincent and Veronica (I know! Cute right?), had an open relationship. I apparently made the cut. I was one he deemed worthy enough to have join he and his wife’s bedroom activities. Nothing but the best for his Ronnie. Well, that’s what he said, and while a little tiny piece of me was flattered that I was a chosen one, it also solidified what I had already come to suspect. I am freaking unlucky in love.

  I don’t think I’d be as jaded if it hadn’t been for the disasters that came before Vincent and his beauty of a wife, Veronica. There was the actor that would slip into full character days before an audition. Also, while we were in bed, he’d call out stage directions to tell me what he wanted, “Stage left, stage left, exit stage right, aaaand end scene!” I still have no earthly clue what the hell that means, but beyond the actor there was Blake the boxer who took his steroids a bit too seriously if you know what I mean, and Pablo the chef. Turns out when he said chef at a five-star restaurant, what he meant was a burger boy at Francesca’s diner on thirty second street that just happened to get one five-star review on Yelp for great customer service. Not the same thing at all if you ask me.

  “Well, text me if you need an emergency out with your date.” I tell Tally as we exit the front of the building.

  “Will do. Don’t drown in your Halo Top tub.” She gives me a quick hug and we both part ways for the evening.

  I only make it about a block before the sky unleashes its fury and the cold rain begins to fall from the dark sky. I search through my bag for an umbrella, but only come up with a pair of socks and a pamphlet on the injustice of police horse life. I mean, everyone has their cause, right? Frustrated and soaking wet, I trudge on filling my high heels with water from backed up storm drains until I hear someone whistle. I choose to ignore it because quite frankly, I’m too wet and cold to have it out with some bozo about objectifying women by calling them over like a well-trained dog. Ok, who am I kidding? I’m a hypocrite. I objectify men all day long in very much the same way, but I suppose I’m just not as vocal about it. There. I confessed my sins.

  I take a few more squishy, squelchy steps and finally turn when I hear the chirp of a police siren. The police cruiser pulls up to the curb alongside me, and I duck my head to see in the window where Hunter is sitting behind the wheel with a wide smile on his face.

  “Eight point four million people in this city, and we keep crossing paths. I think it’s fate.” He calls through the open window.

  “Oh yeah? I think it’s called stalking.”

  “Is that why you never called me? You think I’m stalking you?” his forehead wrinkles in concern.

  “No, I didn’t call because I poured expired ketchup on your phone number so I wouldn’t call you.” He pauses for a moment before tossing his head back and laughing. It’s a warm sound that flips my insides.

  He reaches over the seats to the passenger side handle and pushes open the door. “Get in, let me drive you home.”

  “It’s only a few more blocks.” I protest, looking down the street towards the direction my apartment building.

  “I know, but it’d make me feel better if I knew you weren’t walking alone at night in the rain. Get in.” he orders, not leaving any more room for debate. I pull the door open wider and slide myself into the black leather seat of the cruiser, and he rolls the window back up. He leans forward to crank the heat up, and I’m stuck in this confined space where his scent surrounds me. I sit stiffly in the seat while he continues to stare at me.

  “What?” I question.

  “Click it or ticket.” He sing songs, and I scramble to fasten my seatbelt. Good thing too, because I have a feeling this will be an interesting ride. My mind is telling me no, but my body? Oh, my body is definitely telling me yes to everything Hunter Williams.

  HUNTER:

  She seems nervous. Maybe it’s my intimidating police presence, but probably not. I really hope she doesn’t think I’m stalking her for real. I really just had a call in the area and was headed back to the precinct when I spotted a familiar set of legs and blonde hair traipsing down the busy sidewalk. I’d say that I offered her a ride because that is the gentlemanly thing to do, but I’d be lying because in all honesty I just wanted to make her notice me. I needed to know why she didn’t call. They always call. Well, if they have my number, they call. That makes me sound like a douche, I’m aware - judge away. But she’s really the first girl in a really long time that I’ve wanted to call. Except she didn’t, and it’s giving me a complex.

  “So back to my phone number.” I break the silence as I pull back out into traffic. I shouldn’t be taking her in my car, but shift’s almost over anyways. “Why did you defile it in such a manner?”

  “I had to, or I would’ve called you.” she answers, looking at me. Her unusually heavy makeup is smudging and streaking down her face, and she looks a little like a sad clown, but she’s still pretty as hell. I reach over into the glove box and pull out a wet wipe, handing it to her.

  “What’s this for?” she questions, taking it.

  “Your face. I think it’s melting off.” I say. She gasps in horror, clawing for the visor to flip it down and look in the mirror behind it.

  “Holy guacamole! That is a sad sight. Guess the write up will need to include that it is definitely not a waterproof look.” She giggles, taking the wipe to her face, washing away the streaks and revealing the girl I met and can’t seem to stop thinking about.

  “Now, let me get this straight.” I bring us back to the phone number topic once again. I really need to know. “The intent of me giving Tanner my number to give to you was so you could call me. I wanted you to.” I sneak a peek over at Verity and find her studying me closely. Kind of creepily, but I ignore it.

  “I know, but I knew I’d call you and I couldn’t let that happen.”

  “You’re not making sense. Why couldn’t that happen? That’s exactly what should’ve happened.” I laugh.

  “Forgive me, but you’re just the type of guy I’d typically go for, and that hasn’t fared well for me in the past. I knew if I called you, you’d ask me out, we’d have a nice time, I’d think you were prefect, then you’d just end up being a huge disappointment like the rest of them. So, I decided I wouldn’t even tempt myself, and I’d stick to what I know will work.” />
  “And what kind of guy do you think would work?” I can feel my lips twitch, trying to hide a smile.

  She scrunches her nose in what I think is distaste, but really it just kind of turns me on. “Not you.” she answers, and while I appreciate her honestly, it still stings a little But this tells me I’m just going to have to work that much harder to prove her wrong.

  I pull up into the fire lane outside the front of her building and turn to her, “Go on a date with me.” She pauses with her hand on the door handle and just looks at me. “Let me show you that I’m not the type of guy you seem to think I am. Give me a chance.” I say.

  “Ok.” she says without hesitation, shocking the shit out of me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “You heard me. I’ll go on a date with you, Hunter. When would be a good time for you?”

  “Ummm.” I stammer, still being in mild shock from her agreeability. I thought I was going to have to work so much harder for that. “How does Friday night at seven thirty work for you?”

  “Works just fine. See you then.” She smiles as she opens the door.

  At the last second, I catch her hand, startling her when I place a kiss on it. Her eyes meet mine, and she blushes. “Get my number from Tanner, and use it this time. See you Friday pretty girl.” I say right before she closes the door. I wait until she gets inside her building before I pull away from the curb.

  I’m going to have to step up my game for this girl because something is telling me that she isn’t going to be easy, but I think she’s going to be completely worth it. Now, I have four days to figure out how to impress her. I drive back to the station with a smile on my face and hope in my heart. I’m aware of how cheesy that sounds, but it is one hundred percent accurate.