Fading to Light Read online

  I look up and he is pinning me with a ‘cut the shit’ stare, but also with sincere worry. I know right here and now that I am going to have to give him an inch, but I am not ready to give a mile. How can I tell someone else, when I haven’t fully come to terms with everything I have lost yet?

  Andrew:

  “Babe, you had a panic attack.” I gently tell her, moving to sit beside her. I know the signs; not only from med school, but I know because I suffer from them from time to time. Although more infrequent now, I still remember the suffocating feeling, the rapid pulse, dizziness, detachment, the list is endless. One minute she’s walking beside me, her hand in mine, and the next she’s halting dead in her tracks looking like she’s seen a ghost and crumpling to the floor. It scared the ever living fuck out of me, until my rational senses kicked back in and let me assess the situation at hand.

  “I’m sorry.” Is all she manages. I can tell Charlie’s trying her damndest to stop crying and it is breaking my heart. The fear and sadness still evident in her eyes, makes me wish I could take it all away.

  “Look at me.” I say taking her beautiful face in my hands. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I just need to know what happened out there, so I can help you fix it.”

  “It was just a bad memory. I was in a pretty bad car accident not too long ago, and sustained some pretty significant injuries that I am still in recovery from. It was a really rough time, and I’m apparently not completely over it. Hence my major meltdown. I’m sorry, but it just isn’t something I like discussing.” There’s a hint of finality to her tone, and lets me know that I shouldn’t push anymore. For now.

  I pull her into my arms, needing the closeness and contact of her body. One of the nurses peek in the curtain, “Is everything ok? We’re going to need this bed.”

  “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m Dr. Montgomery, a visiting surgeon. She was having a panic attack so I needed privacy to decrease external stimulation.” I say.

  “Oh ok. I’m Janine. Can I get you anything sugar?” she asks, coming to check on Charlie.

  “Maybe just some water. Thank you.” she says, smiling up at Janine.

  A few moments later, Janine comes back with a plastic cup of water, tissues, and a lollipop for Charlie.

  After we give her a quizzical look, she shrugs and says. “It always used to help cheer up my kids. This sweet girl looked like she could use a pick me up.”

  “Thank you very much.” Charlie says again with sincerity.

  “Janine, I’m supposed to be meeting Dr. Ross. Can you look after my girl here for a bit?” I ask.

  “Of course, honey.” He’s actually just right over there she says pointing to a man with deeply tanned skin and graying hair.

  Giving Charlie a quick kiss, I let her know that I will be back in about an hour or so and she tells me to go save the world. It takes everything in me to leave Charlie alone, even if just for an hour. She was shaken to the core with her panic attack and I am not sure where her head is at after everything.

  An hour passes quickly by as Dr. Ross and I become engrossed in talks of procedures. He has me take a look at a few cases he is currently working on, asking me to consult. This is a huge step for me. I am no longer the grunt resident, and I am actually at a point where my inputs and expertise are valued and utilized. Dr. Ross introduces me to the Director of the hospital and before I know it, I realize another hour is gone. After excusing myself, I rush back to the nurse’s station where I left Charlie, only to find it empty. Shit! Spotting Janine, the sweet older nurse we met earlier, I rush over to her.

  “Have you seen Charlie?”

  “Charlie? The sweet young American girl?”

  “That’s her!”

  “Oh yes, dear.” She takes my hand leading me back down the hall from which I just came. “The children just adore her.”

  Stopping at a slightly open door, I hear Charlie’s singing Smile by Nat King Cole softly. My heart starts beating rapidly in my chest. My god, her voice is clear and haunting. As I peek inside, my heart stops altogether. She is sitting in a rocking chair with a young little boy in her lap rocking him. His face is buried in her neck, and she’s got a pile of books on the table beside her. All I can think about is her rocking our children to sleep. Fuck Andrew! You’ve know this girl for a fucking day, slow down.

  “She’s got a beautiful soul, that girl.” Janine shakes me from my thoughts.

  “Yes, she certainly does.” I try to reply around the lump in my throat.

  “She passed out popsicles, read to the children, and has rocked a few to sleep. You are lucky to have her.” She says giving me a stern look, patting me on the shoulder.

  I nod like an idiot and try to clear away the obvious emotion that has taken hold of me. I softly knock at the door to get Charlie’s attention. She opens her eyes and smiles her beautiful smile when they meet mine, but I can see the sadness lingering in them.

  “Sorry. You were gone a while and I wanted to help out some of the nurses. They let me rock some of these kiddos to sleep while their parents got some rest.” She said standing slowly so as not to jostle the sweet little boy in her arms. Giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead, she lays him in the bed and covers him up.

  “Don’t apologize Charlie. It’s a beautiful thing. You are going to make a wonderful mother someday. I’m sorry I left you so long.” I grab her and squeeze her tightly in my arms, breathing in her scent and kissing her hair, wanting this forever burned into memory.

  “I’m finished here. You ready for some lunch and sun, sweetheart?” I ask.

  “That sounds nice.” She says smiling up at me. I don’t miss that she has tears shining in her beautiful green eyes. I have no idea what sadness is lurking in the dark corners of this beautiful woman’s soul, but I will fix it. I have to.

  Chapter 5

  Charlie:

  The time I spent at the hospital was pretty much like sitting in my own personal hell, but I didn’t want Andrew to know. He loves what he does so much. I can see it in his eyes. Being there not only brings back terrible memories of the accident, but also my time stuck in the hospital afterwards. When Janine asked if I wanted to help with the kids, I immediately agreed. I love children, and I want several of my own someday. However, the second I let myself start dreaming about that kind of thing, I immediately shut it down again realizing that it may never be a reality for me. I know Andrew loves kids too, and probably wants some of his own someday. How would he feel about me if he knew that a chance at that kind of happiness had been completely stolen from me the night some asshole decided to get wasted and plow into the side of our car?

  “Charlie, babe. Where’d you go?” Andrew asks, snapping me back to reality.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Just lost in my own head.” I laugh, hoping he doesn’t read any more into it. He can already read me so well that it’s scary.

  “Want to run in and grab a few things to eat?” he asks pulling up to a small grocery store that is painted a brilliant bubblegum pink.

  “Oh yea! I’m starving.” I say, my stomach rumbling. So much had happened this morning that I completely forgot we skipped breakfast, and let me just say that I’m not a girl who likes to skip a meal.

  After grabbing some fresh deli sandwiches, snacks and drinks we hop back in the car and keep driving for a bit.

  “Do you have any idea where you are going?” I ask, knowing in my gut that he’s completely lost.

  “I’d like to think so, but the GPS on my phone and the one here in the car say two completely different things.” Andrew laughs. “Oh wait! There!” he shouts as he hangs a hard right onto an unmarked sandy dirt road.

  “Jesus-take the wheel!” I shout at him as we’re rocked roughly from side to side in the tiny compact rental car. We both erupt in laughter. “What the hell was that?” I laugh.

  “Our turn!” he laughs so hard he has tears in his eyes. I have no clue why we both think this is so funny, but it feels so good to laugh like this.

&nbs
p; “Buddy, this better be worth it. That was rough!”

  “I’m sorry babe. But I think it will definitely be worth it.” He says as he nods his head up to the clearing ahead of us. We park our car in a small open lot; only big enough for one or two cars.

  “Wow.” That is really all I can say because the sight before me is absolutely stunning. It is a tiny beach, but is a pristine white and the water is the most beautiful shade of aqua turning to deep turquoise. In the distance there are tiny rock islands covered in lush green tropical plants. It is like a mini paradise.

  “It’s a private beach. Long story short; when we were kids, our parents brought us here, Dad got us lost and we found this place. We had no idea where we were, but I do remember that was one of the most fun days. My brother, sister and I played pirates all afternoon and splashed in the water. It doesn’t look like anything has changed.” He sighs looking over the water with a nostalgic look.

  “Thank you for bringing me here.” I say walking up behind him to wrap my arms around his waist. He turns in my arms to hug me right back.

  “I don’t think there’s anyone else I’d rather share this with.” He states with such honesty that it warms my heart.

  “Ready to have some fun?”

  “Hell yes! Lead the way!” I say.

  The next few hours are spent eating, swimming, floating, building sandcastles and joking around. Andrew is so much fun. I haven’t laughed or felt this lighthearted in months. It is like the part of me that I thought had died is there and is slowly starting to breathe again. He is nothing I thought I needed, but I know now he is everything I deserve. He makes me genuinely happy. Laying here on this blanket, just staring at each other, I feel a connection to him like I have to no other person before.

  “Whatcha thinkin’ about, beautiful?” he asks, and I love that he calls me beautiful like it’s my name.

  “Truth or lie?” I ask continuing our game from the night before.

  “Truth.” He says, tucking a strand of frizzy hair behind my ear and tapping me on the nose.

  “I was thinking about how I never have ever felt such a strong connection to a person in my nearly twenty-five years of life.”

  “Well, in my thirty years, I have never felt it either.” He chuckles. “I know what you mean though. It’s been all of a day or so and I feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime.”

  I can’t help myself when I lean in to kiss him deeply. Andrew pulls me closer to his body has his hands slide down my back and under the edge of my bikini bottoms. An aching need consumes my body as I toss my leg over his and press my body into his. A growl escapes Andrew.

  “Baby, if you keep doing that, I’m going to have my way with you here on this beach.” He says as he kisses his way down my neck, only strengthening my desire.

  “That sounds like a plan.” I say as I slide my hand down across his taut abs, reaching the edge of his swim trunks. I make quick work of unsnapping them as I slide my hand inside, grabbing his smooth length. Oh my God… thank you sweet baby Jesus. I start to slide my hand up and down, gripping him firmly, as I kiss my way down his body. I am like a woman possessed. I swear I have never felt a need like this. He stills when he realizes where this is headed.

  “Baby, you don’t have to do that. We don’t have to do anything.” He says, his voice husky.

  “I know I don’t have to, but trust me when I say that right now I really want to.” I say.

  Andrew:

  Sweet dear God, her mouth is something dreams are made of. She is so damn hot; I know I won’t last long. I have to start listing medical conditions in alphabetical order so I don’t blow in the first ten seconds. I wish I was kidding.

  “Baby, I’m gonna come.” I say, trying to give her fair warning, but the little vixen just ups her ante. With barely any warning my balls tighten and a white hot pleasure courses through my body as I explode.

  “Holy shit.” I say trying to catch my breath and refocus my vision on my girl. I grab her arms and swiftly pull her up so we’re face to face and I kiss her fiercely. Tasting myself on her only makes it that much hotter.

  “Thank you, sweetheart.” I say, softening my kisses.

  “The pleasure was all mine.” She purrs with a wink.

  I’m going to be super up to date with the medical terminology textbooks if I have to keep reciting terms. I roll her so she is laying on her back. I want to make this so good for her. I let my hands roam over her body; trying my hardest to avoid the scars on her midsection. I just want to kiss those too, but I don’t want her to feel like she owes me any explanation for them, especially after this morning.

  My fingers slide under the hem of her bikini bottoms and slide across her soaking wet folds, and she lets out a soft moan as she pushes herself into me.

  “You’re soaked baby.” I say, finding her swollen nub with my thumb as I slide a finger inside her.

  “You seem to have that effect on me.” she breathes grinding herself into my hand as I add another finger. Within seconds, her tight walls begin clenching around my fingers.

  “Let go, sweetheart.” I whisper into her neck, planting kiss after kiss.

  “Oh God.” She moans as her body shakes with her release, and I kiss her thoroughly. That may have been the single hottest sexual encounter of my life, and I haven’t even been inside her yet. I am so done for.

  Once again, we are laying facing each other, arms draped over the other’s body. Nothing has ever felt more right for me than to have this woman in my arms. Her hands are sliding up and down my back, lightly scratching, and it sends pleasurable shivers through my body. Her hand stills when she runs across the large horizontal scar on my side. I have a tattoo there, so you can’t see it unless you feel for it.

  “May I ask what happened?” she asks tentatively.

  I don’t want to put a damper on the mood, but honestly there isn’t really any point in avoiding it. I let out a heavy breath. “Truth or lie?”

  “Whichever one you want to give me, but if it’s a lie, at least make it a good one.” She smirks.

  “When I was nine, I had a kidney transplant.” I say honestly.

  “For real?” she asks, and I have to admit it would be a pretty good story.

  “For real, babe. That’s the truth.”

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” She says, brushing hair off my forehead with such tenderness it makes my heart hammer in my chest. The kindness and concern in her eyes makes me want to tell her the story without hesitation, and it isn’t normally something I like talking about.

  “I want to tell you everything, Charlie. I want you to know me.”

  “I want to know you too.” She says placing a kiss to her palm and pressing it on my scar; the gesture so sweet.

  “About a year before the transplant I started getting really sick all the time with high fevers and various other symptoms. It was all kind of a mystery as to what was going on. It wasn’t until I started wetting the bed, when I was well past that age that our family doctor starting getting really concerned. After running an array of tests, it was determined that I was in the early stages of kidney failure.”

  “Oh my goodness. I can’t imagine going through that as a little kid.” She says, tenderly running her hand down my side.

  “It was rough for a while, but thankfully my parents had the means to seek out the best doctors to provide the treatment that was needed. Those doctors were my heroes.” I admit.

  “So is that why you became a pediatric surgeon?” she asks.

  “In part. I always loved playing doctor as a kid, but after going through that it kind of solidified my decision at a young age. I idolized those doctors and as I grew older I realized that I wanted to help children too, kids like me. I feel like I can sympathize with them a bit more, having experienced it for myself.”

  “That’s amazing. You’re amazing. Thank you.” Charlie says, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

  “Thank you for what?”
/>   “For letting me into your life, for today and showing me this beautiful place, and for showing me you and opening up.” she says, and I wish so badly that I could just unload this darkness that follows me everywhere I go, but that’s a different story for another day.

  Over the next several days, Charlie and I manage to see each other every single day. When we aren’t together, or I am at the hospital, I find myself constantly attached to my phone just hoping for a message from her. The more I get of Charlie, the more this feeling solidifies within me. I know that I don’t want to let this girl go. In such a short amount of time, she has consumed me fully wrapping everything I want and need into a beautiful five foot five package.

  Seeing her, Laney and Kate off at the airport nearly killed me. I am not sure how I’m going to survive the next week without this woman. We have each other’s information and we both live in the same city, so at least I have that reassurance, but I can’t help the concerns that creep in. The concerns that somehow, for her, distance will dull this chemistry we have. If that happens to be the case, I’m not sure what I would do because I sure as hell don’t think anything could diminish what I am already feeling for Charlie.

  Charlie:

  Downtown Chicago traffic is a nightmare, especially when it’s baseball playoffs time and the Cubs play at home, and I cannot wait to get out of this car even though I used to love driving my Audi. Every time I get in the car since that night, my heart races and it takes everything I have to keep the horror reel of images out of my head that I never want to relive. Hopefully someday I will be able to get beyond this point, but the truth is, in the past few months the only time I have felt any peace of mind was with Andrew.

  Luckily it is only one more day until we see each other again. I figured this week would be a good thing, putting some distance between myself and the insane attraction. I expected the lust filled haze to ebb and leave me with a clear head. What I didn’t expect was for my heart to ache and for me to miss his nearness. We only spent a week together, but somehow in that week, the bond we forged could be one that lasted a lifetime.